Boko Haram Leader Reported Dead for the Fifth Time

Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau has been erro­neous­ly pro­nounced dead more often than Abe Vigo­da: five times now. That’s 37 deaths in cat deaths.

Accord­ing to WaPo, Niger­ian author­i­ties say they’re embar­rassed at how often they’ve mis­tak­en­ly announced Shekau dead, so they’re going to inves­ti­gate care­ful­ly before mak­ing any announcements.

If you’re think­ing They just announced he’s dead and then said they aren’t going to pro­nounce him dead?, WaPo has an anony­mous source in Nige­ria for the info. They trust the source because he’s nev­er asked to deposit mil­lions of dol­lars in their bank account.

The hope­ful­ly late Shekau died this time, rumor has it, by acci­den­tal­ly blow­ing him­self up. Which is iron­ic, giv­en that he hat­ed any­thing West­ern and fought hard to pro­tect inno­cent women and chil­dren by kid­nap­ping them, mur­der­ing them, and using them for sui­cide bombers.

Here’s hop­ing he’s dead for real this time and can’t hurt any­one ever again.

Stogie Lopez

Stogie's real first name is Benita, but her nickname, for obvious reasons, is Stogie. She has forgotten more than you'll ever know about politics.
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