The 12 Days of Pride Month

On the first day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:

An L for the Les­bian community!

On the sec­ond day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:

A G for all our Gay friends!

And LG for the Lesbian/Gay community!

On the third day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:

A B for Bisex­u­al power!

And LGB for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual community!

On the fourth day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:

A T for Trans­gen­der types!

And LBGT for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender community!

On the fifth day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:

The AAAAALL-ENCOMPASSING Q!

And LGBTQ for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer community!

On the sixth day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:

An I for Inter—what? Q? We already did Q, didn’t we? Oh, anoth­er Q?

On the fifth day of Pride Month my true love also gave to me:

Anoth­er Q for Queer and/or Questioning!

And LGBT—what now? Queer? Yes; we did Queer ear­li­er, before Question—offensive? What’s offen­sive? Queer is offen­sive? The LGBTQ et al. com­mu­ni­ty is reclaim­ing it but it still trig­gers some of them? Sure, I can put in a trig­ger warning.

And LGBTQ for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Ques­tion­ing community!

On the sixth day of Pride Month my true love moved out due to my uncon­scious microag­gres­sions, so my FWB (Friend With Ben­e­fits) gave to me:

An I for Inter­sex­u­al­i­ty!

And LGBTQI for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Questioning/Transgender/Intersex community!

On the sev­enth day of Pride Month no one gave me anything:

My for­mer true love and my FWB got into an argu­ment at Star­bucks because my for­mer true love swore they didn’t know my FWB exist­ed even though my FWB said we’d all met at that same Star­bucks sev­er­al months ago to dis­cuss polyamory, which we did, and every­one involved agreed it was okay for me to have a FWB, but my for­mer true love insist­ed that nev­er hap­pened, and then they got arrest­ed for assault when the Star­bucks man­ag­er said, “Calm down, guys!” and also charged with con­tempt of court when they got into a shout­ing match with the judge about whether “Assault With Het­ero­nor­ma­tive Gen­der Assump­tions” was real­ly a crime.

On the eighth day of Pride Month the Dean of Safe Spaces at my col­lege, gra­cious­ly agree­ing to help out with lit­tle notice, gave to me:

The A for Asex­u­al I missed yes­ter­day plus anoth­er A for Ally!

And LGBTQIA for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Questioning/Intersex/Asexual and/or Ally community!

On the ninth day of Pride Month the Dean of Safe Spaces at my col­lege gave to me:

A sum­mons to appear before the Safe Spaces Stu­dent Dis­ci­pli­nary Com­mit­tee because a trans­fer stu­dent felt exclud­ed when I used the acronym LGBTQIA instead of LGBTIQA, which the trans­fer student’s pre­vi­ous col­lege used instead, plus an embar­rassed “Sor­ry!” and also:

A P for Pan­sex­u­al!

And LGBTQIAP or LGBTIQAP for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Questioning/Intersex/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Questioning/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual community!

On the 10th day of Pride Month BLM’s attor­ney gave to me:

A law­suit for usurp­ing the let­ter B, there­by risk­ing pos­si­ble con­fu­sion over whether BLM stands for Black Lives Mat­ter or Bisex­u­al Lives Mat­ter, and as an olive branch a D for Demi­sex­u­al!

And LGBTQIAPD or LGBTIQAPD for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Questioning/Intersex/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual/Demisexual or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Questioning/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual/Demisexual community!

On the 11th day of Pride Month my city’s Pride Parade orga­niz­ers gave to me:

A cease-and-desist let­ter demand­ing I remove the term Ally from all acronyms hence­forth because BLM threat­ened to dis­rupt the parade with riot­ing, loot­ing, and arson if the Gay & Les­bian Peace Offi­cers Asso­ci­a­tion joined the march again this year, along with threats to kill any GLPOA mem­ber who showed up any­way, plus a plus sign to appease any­one else who hadn’t been mentioned!

And LGBTQIAPD+ or LGBTIQAPD+ for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Ques­tion­ing Asex­u­al Inter­sex and/or Ally Pan­sex­u­al Demi­sex­u­al+ or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Ques­tion­ing Asex­u­al and/or Ally Pan­sex­u­al Demi­sex­u­al+ com­mu­ni­ty!

On the 12th day of Pride Month the FBI gave to me:

Immu­ni­ty for giv­ing them all the dif­fer­ent e‑mails threat­en­ing to riot, loot, fire­bomb or attempt to mur­der Pride Parade orga­niz­ers, my col­lege, BLM mem­bers and law enforce­ment officers!

And Wit­ness Pro­tec­tion to hide from the the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Ques­tion­ing Asex­u­al Inter­sex and/or Ally Pan­sex­u­al Demi­sex­u­al+ or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex/(Warning: pos­si­ble trig­ger) Queer and/or Ques­tion­ing Asex­u­al and/or Ally Pan­sex­u­al Demi­sex­u­al+ com­mu­ni­ty!