On the first day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:
An L for the Lesbian community!
On the second day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:
A G for all our Gay friends!
And LG for the Lesbian/Gay community!
On the third day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:
A B for Bisexual power!
And LGB for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual community!
On the fourth day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:
A T for Transgender types!
And LBGT for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender community!
On the fifth day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:
The AAAAALL-ENCOMPASSING Q!
And LGBTQ for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer community!
On the sixth day of Pride Month my true love gave to me:
An I for Inter—what? Q? We already did Q, didn’t we? Oh, another Q?
On the fifth day of Pride Month my true love also gave to me:
Another Q for Queer and/or Questioning!
And LGBT—what now? Queer? Yes; we did Queer earlier, before Question—offensive? What’s offensive? Queer is offensive? The LGBTQ et al. community is reclaiming it but it still triggers some of them? Sure, I can put in a trigger warning.
And LGBTQ for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning community!
On the sixth day of Pride Month my true love moved out due to my unconscious microaggressions, so my FWB (Friend With Benefits) gave to me:
An I for Intersexuality!
And LGBTQI for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning/Transgender/Intersex community!
On the seventh day of Pride Month no one gave me anything:
My former true love and my FWB got into an argument at Starbucks because my former true love swore they didn’t know my FWB existed even though my FWB said we’d all met at that same Starbucks several months ago to discuss polyamory, which we did, and everyone involved agreed it was okay for me to have a FWB, but my former true love insisted that never happened, and then they got arrested for assault when the Starbucks manager said, “Calm down, guys!” and also charged with contempt of court when they got into a shouting match with the judge about whether “Assault With Heteronormative Gender Assumptions” was really a crime.
On the eighth day of Pride Month the Dean of Safe Spaces at my college, graciously agreeing to help out with little notice, gave to me:
The A for Asexual I missed yesterday plus another A for Ally!
And LGBTQIA for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning/Intersex/Asexual and/or Ally community!
On the ninth day of Pride Month the Dean of Safe Spaces at my college gave to me:
A summons to appear before the Safe Spaces Student Disciplinary Committee because a transfer student felt excluded when I used the acronym LGBTQIA instead of LGBTIQA, which the transfer student’s previous college used instead, plus an embarrassed “Sorry!” and also:
A P for Pansexual!
And LGBTQIAP or LGBTIQAP for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning/Intersex/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual community!
On the 10th day of Pride Month BLM’s attorney gave to me:
A lawsuit for usurping the letter B, thereby risking possible confusion over whether BLM stands for Black Lives Matter or Bisexual Lives Matter, and as an olive branch a D for Demisexual!
And LGBTQIAPD or LGBTIQAPD for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning/Intersex/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual/Demisexual or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning/Asexual and/or Ally/Pansexual/Demisexual community!
On the 11th day of Pride Month my city’s Pride Parade organizers gave to me:
A cease-and-desist letter demanding I remove the term Ally from all acronyms henceforth because BLM threatened to disrupt the parade with rioting, looting, and arson if the Gay & Lesbian Peace Officers Association joined the march again this year, along with threats to kill any GLPOA member who showed up anyway, plus a plus sign to appease anyone else who hadn’t been mentioned!
And LGBTQIAPD+ or LGBTIQAPD+ for the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning Asexual Intersex and/or Ally Pansexual Demisexual+ or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning Asexual and/or Ally Pansexual Demisexual+ community!
On the 12th day of Pride Month the FBI gave to me:
Immunity for giving them all the different e‑mails threatening to riot, loot, firebomb or attempt to murder Pride Parade organizers, my college, BLM members and law enforcement officers!
And Witness Protection to hide from the the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning Asexual Intersex and/or Ally Pansexual Demisexual+ or the Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Intersex/(Warning: possible trigger) Queer and/or Questioning Asexual and/or Ally Pansexual Demisexual+ community!