Yes, you read the headline correctly. When folks get to talking about the 2nd Amendment and gun control, this trope is bound to show up:
“Why don’t we regulate guns the way we do cars? You know, require insurance and driving tests and emission standards and make seatbelts mandatory and require anti-lock brakes and airbags and so on?”
So! Why don’t we regulate guns like we do cars? There’s actually a very good, although boring, answerPurchasing, driving, or manufacturing motor vehicles all fall under the Constitution’s Commerce Clause [Article I, Section 8], which gives Congress the freedom to regulate, tax, and micromanage the … Continue reading for that question; which you can read if you like being bored. But forget that noise. Let’s get to the fun stuff:
I’ve always thought it would be a lot more fun if cars were regulated like guns:
- When the Constitution was written, transportation was limited to walking, riding horses, horse-drawn carriages, and wind-driven ships. Lemme be generous and add rickshaws. Therefore, bicycles, motorcycles, cars, limousines, minivans, SUVs, trucks, trains, motorized boats or ships, fixed-wing aircraft, helicopters, and rockets? Illegal.
- Mufflers and emission controls? Illegal, because people couldn’t hear getaway cars.Way too many Congresscritters support bans on suppressors; otherwise if someone’s shooting at you, you won’t know where it’s coming from if the shooter’s gun has a suppressor. No, really.
- “Military-style” features like 4WD, off-road tires, GPS, winches, camo paint, AC, carbon-fiber or composite parts, matte-black trim pieces and so on would be illegal.
- New cars would ship with 1‑gallon gas tanks, because it would be easier to catch bad guys if they have to stop every 10 miles to fill up again.Stemming from the ludicrous argument that if a mass shooter has to stop and reload every 10 rounds, it gives people a chance to tackle the shooter. The Pulse nightclub shooter, for instance, wandered … Continue reading
- Besides, if you can’t drive wherever it is you’re going with 1 gallon if gas, you’re a lousy driver.As in “If you can’t kill a deer or moose or wildebeest or bison with three bullets, you’re a lousy hunter.”
- You’d have to remove the stock gas tank from cars shipped in from other states for the same reason.In Colorado, for instance, it’s illegal to sell guns with magazines holding more than 10 rounds, even though most semi-automatic rifles ship with 30-round magazines. Which in turn means purchasers … Continue reading
- Which reminds me: If you want to shop for a car online, or buy mail-order car parts, or paint, or trim, or accessories? Tough shit, because it’s illegal. You’ll just have to walk 90 miles to the nearest factory.
- If you buy a car you’d have to pay for it, then wait up to 30 days to actually drive it home. Because if you’re buying a car because you want to run people over with it, waiting might help you change your mind. Too bad if you just need a car for the 99.9999999999999% of other legitimate reasons you might need a car.
- If you already own a car, but for any reason you need to buy another one, tough shit. Because no one needs more than one car.
- If, after your arbitrary waiting period, you finally go get your car, but it breaks down or gets stolen or totaled? Sucks to be you, because even if you can get permission to buy another car while you still hold the title on a car you can’t drive (Spoiler alert: You won’t), you have to wait another month to go buy a new one. Too bad if you have a job or you need to get to your college classes or you live more than a quarter mile away from the nearest post office or grocery store.
- If you drive while you’re intoxicated and run over someone, the victim’s family could sue not only you, but also the car’s manufacturer, any gas station or auto parts store you ever visited, your driver’s ed teacher, your school district and your parents for creating you in the first place.
- If you were driving, say, a Toyota Camry during your DUI, or you’re a confused elderly driver and you plowed your Toyota Camry into a farmer’s market, the government would be able to outlaw Toyota Camrys. Not because Toyota Camrys are the best-selling car in the US; not because there’s a malfunction in Camrys that suddenly disable its steering or brakes.
- If someone borrows or buys or steals your car, and then runs over someone or gets a DUI or a speeding ticket or whatever, the victim’s family can sue you, or the cops can arrest you, or if you happen to own another car or motorcycle or bicycle or Segway or roller skate or a pogo stick, they can confiscate all of them. Even if you took all required/possible precautions.
- What if you’re a college employee or professor or student? Sorry! You can’t get within 1,350 feet of the campus with your car, even if you have to walk 2 miles to get to your class.
- What if you own an old, completely non-functional, or worthless car, your city or state government will cheerfully pay you top dollar for it so you can go buy a nice new car on the taxpayers’ dime.
- If your car is just older, but still runs okay, and you just got a newer car and would be happy to sell it cheap, or even give it away, to a college student or single parent, or anyone else who might be in need, or even one of your own children? Fugeddaboudit. Uncle Sam doesn’t approve. No car for your needy friend or child. Neener neener.
|↑1||Purchasing, driving, or manufacturing motor vehicles all fall under the Constitution’s Commerce Clause [Article I, Section 8], which gives Congress the freedom to regulate, tax, and micromanage the everlovin’ snot out of anything to do with interstate or international commerce. And they do. But the right to bear arms is an enumerated right protected by the 2nd Amendment—the second one ever enumerated, right after the 1st Amendment. Which means the federal government can’t screw around at will with it, along with any of the Constitution’s other 26 amendments, for which we should all be grateful.|
|↑2||Way too many Congresscritters support bans on suppressors; otherwise if someone’s shooting at you, you won’t know where it’s coming from if the shooter’s gun has a suppressor. No, really.|
|↑3||Stemming from the ludicrous argument that if a mass shooter has to stop and reload every 10 rounds, it gives people a chance to tackle the shooter. The Pulse nightclub shooter, for instance, wandered around inside the nightclub for 45 minutes, stopping to reload, go to the bathroom, text message friends, and post stuff online. Numerous people still in the building did not, repeat NOT, leap out of hiding and tackle him.|
|↑4||As in “If you can’t kill a deer or moose or wildebeest or bison with three bullets, you’re a lousy hunter.”|
|↑5||In Colorado, for instance, it’s illegal to sell guns with magazines holding more than 10 rounds, even though most semi-automatic rifles ship with 30-round magazines. Which in turn means purchasers have to buy an inoperable rifle, then go online and order a 10-round magazine. Or better yet: Order a 30-round magazine from any one of hundreds of online dealers, because Colorado hasn’t figured out a way to make it impossible to order stuff online from merchants who aren’t in Colorado.|