John Cena Is Very Sorry He Called Taiwan a Country

Actor and pro wrestler John Cena grant­ed an inter­view to Tai­wanese broad­cast­er a few days ago. And dur­ing that inter­view, he referred to Tai­wan as a coun­try. If you can imag­ine.

This made folks in Chi­na very upset: Tai­wan real­ly is its own inde­pen­dent coun­try, but Chi­na claims Tai­wan is part of Chi­na.

So Cena offered one of the most embar­rass­ing celebri­ty apolo­gies I’ve ever seen, say­ing “I’m very sor­ry for my mis­takes. Sor­ry. Sor­ry. I’m real­ly sor­ry. You have to under­stand that I love and respect Chi­na and Chi­nese peo­ple.”

He should have used John Cleese’s famous apol­o­gy from A Fish Called Wan­da:

“All right, I apol­o­gize. I’m real­ly real­ly sor­ry. I apol­o­gize unre­served­ly. I offer a com­plete and utter retrac­tion. The impu­ta­tion was total­ly with­out basis in fact, and was in no way fair com­ment, and was moti­vat­ed pure­ly by mal­ice, and I deeply regret any dis­tress that my com­ments may have caused you, or your fam­i­ly, and I here­by under­take not to repeat any such slan­der at any time in the future.”

Archie: All right, all right, I apol­o­gize.
Otto: You’re real­ly sor­ry!
Archie: I’m real­ly real­ly sor­ry, I apol­o­gize unre­served­ly.
Otto: You take it back!
Archie: I do, I offer a com­plete and utter retrac­tion. The impu­ta­tion was total­ly with­out basis in fact, and was in no way fair com­ment, and was moti­vat­ed pure­ly by mal­ice, and I deeply regret any dis­tress that my com­ments may have caused you, or your fam­i­ly, and I here­by under­take not to repeat any such slan­der at any time in the future.