Billy Eichner, star of last week’s release of his bromance Bros, is really upset at you. Yes, you, you heartless bastard. You went out of your way not to go see Bros just to spoil Eichner’s day.
A weekend box office of $4.8 million for a movie that was breathlessly hyped from Rolling Stone to Variety and back is pretty embarrassing, especially when it also had a marketing budget of $20 million and was released on 3,350 screens.
Eichner and the usual cadre of perpetual butthurt pundits say they’re not mad at you. They’re just disappointed with you. They thought you, being the flyover-state mouthbreathing inbred great unwashed that you are, were ready for a dramedy about gay relationships.
Okay; sure, you laughed until you peed yourself watching The Birdcage. And you cried like a baby when you saw Brokeback Mountain.
But that doesn’t mean it’s just that Bros isn’t a very good movie. No; this is all your fault. I hope you can live with yourself.
Congrats, Billy Eichner! I wish you luck in your quest to force moviegoers to like your movies. In the meantime, enjoy your Daily Duhmass award!